Dana's Ramblings

Mood Blog

2009-06-15T07:18:00.001-07:00

Dana xoxo

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Get Up And Go!

2009-02-09T03:35:00.001-08:00

How did everyone get from talking about weight loss and making excuses and self sabotage and actually getting to the weight loss itself?! I am so sick of saying tommorrow or Monday or whenever and always coming up with an excuse for not starting! It's like my body is even against me often getting sick when it's time to begin. I need a big kick up the butt! I need one of those army commandos to yell at me and get me up and at it. I've been too kind to myself and now is the time for action. So wish me luck....and I hope you all have the get up and go that I'm going to go out and find!!!

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A NEW NEW BEGINNING!

2009-02-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

How many times can I say I'm starting again? Well I'm starting again anyway!!! This week (happens to be a Monday LOL!) I just got up and said No More! No more excuses, no more negative self talk, no more feeling sorry for myself!!! I am beginning slowly with just a few rules per week for myself that I want to chart and add to each week. I find if I go all out gung ho I'll have given up before I've even started! I'm also feeling more inspired because this week I begin a whole day a week of pain management so that's going to really assist me to get back into excercise the RIGHT way without big flare ups that leave me back in bed for days! The good news is I'm still not smoking and I guess that's why I have been a little easier on myself...it's a really hard thing to do and I think I'm well on my way but don't want to sit back and think I've conquered it and get swept up in a weak moment! That's why I still haven't had a single alcoholic beverage! I know that has always been my weakness when it comes to smoking (for the first three years I only smoked when I drank!) so I'm just not risking it yet! On the other hand I need to test the waters eventually and also miss my going out buddies that I usually catch up with down at the local pub so will have to have a plan of action in place when I do think I'm ready! So wish me luck with the starting again (again!) and I will try to keep this positive attitude with me throughout as it's a whole lot nicer than feeling like glum, sad Eeyore! Have also noticed that I want to be around happy, positive people so hopefully if I'm happy and positive people will naturally be drawn to me!!! Take care all and until next time....give someone a hug!

WHEN LIFE GETS IN THE WAY!

2009-01-20T01:26:00.000-08:00

I have found it very frustrating to be so motivated and ready for change then you can be given a curve ball in life and it all comes down around you! Yes I am being over dramatic but today I literally couldn't get out of bed due to the pain so how am I going to clean my house, look after my son and get some excercise in when I cannot even stand?! Went to the doctors yesterday and I have a urinary tract infection which is unfortunatley playing havoc with my back. Just when I breathe too hard or yawn it sends shooting pain everywhere! At least knowing it's an infection and starting on antibiotics means hopefully the symptoms wont last that much longer. Anyway sorry this has been such a down in the dumps sort of post but we blog what we feel hey?! Anyway too sore to continue but thought I would at least check in! By the way - one good thing is I haven't touched a cigarette through all of this! Pat on the back to me! Hope u all have a sensational week and will hopefully be in a much better mood when I next log on! Until next time....keep on keeping on!

Inspiration From Others!

2009-01-15T05:07:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! It's now after midnight and what's been keeping me up? Reading and commenting on all your wonderful blogs! I have had so much enjoyment, inspiration and a feeling of belonging it has trully been time well spent. Really now have to get my but into gear with the excercise...no more excuses! I do find it harder with school holidays and Brodie is just not at all interested in coming for walks with me (and NO I can't just drag him along - he's a bit heavy these days!). I do have an excercise bike though and plenty of DVDS and light weights so I'll just have to do it as the famous Nike ad said! The not smoking is going well though still extremely hard going! I really wish I could just smoke a few a day but know that any cigarettes do me damage and I also know that a few would turn into 5 then 7 and so on! It's great that there are sites like about.com - smoking cessation which have forums and you can vent or just read that others are all going through similar feelings and withdrawal symptoms. It's also nice to read about the success stories! What I didn't like reading was that it actually is a fact that my metabolism will slow down! I knew smokers usually did put on a bit of weight when they quit but I thought it was because they were replacing cigarettes with food which I have been really trying to avoid but this puts an even harder slope on my ever growing mountain to lose weight!!! Oh well better be settling down for bed so until next time.....dance like there's no one's watching!

A New Year - A New Me?

2009-01-08T04:29:00.000-08:00

Hi All and welcome to my first ever blog on my new computer! Yes I'm finally online and no longer need to use my iphone to post my entries! The only problem is I had forgotten what a terrible typist I am so may take me awhile to get into the swing of things! Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have just been so busy with New Year all my resolutions and my sons birthday. He turned 9 yesterday! Also here in Victoria Australia it is school holidays so don't get too much time to myself at the moment! I'm actually typing this at 11:30 at night! I wonder how everyone is going with their resolutions if they have made them? I am sad to say that it is going to be an uphill battle with mine! Firstly I weighed myself for the first time in awhile and I was sad to see I am the heaviest I have ever been at 83 kilos. I wanted to put that number out there even though it is hard for me to even think it as I never, ever want to see it again! Due to my back injury I know it's going to be slow going as I really need to pace myself with the excercise or I will just be back at square one and not able to do a thing. I am happy to say that I am on my best pain management, medication wise and have not felt so good in a long time pain wise. I still have my bad days and have a low level of pain pretty much all the time but I can certainly cope with that and my doctor has explained to take my pain away completley would leave me zomie like with such strong medication needed and that of course is not what I want at all. Giving up smoking has been a huge challenge and I will admit to the world I have not completley succeeded as yet, sadly. I went 5 days completley smoke free and found it really tough but I was oh so focused and determined and all my other resolutions like a great skin care routine, drinking plenty of water and doing daily low paced excercise were all on track. Then came January the 6th! I had one of my most stressed out days and everything was just plain horrible. Nothing went to plan, I was on the verge of tears for most of the day and finally succumed and bought a small packet of cigarettes. After having one I thought well I've had one now might as well smoke for the rest of the day. These sorts of excuses are horrible and most dieters have gone through similar experiences - the whole well I've stuffed up now may as well start again on Monday approach! Don't know where I am now. My quit pack arrived today and I am going to look for some online forums for some support as I just don't feel as strong as I did on the 1st of January! Well I think I have rambled enough now and should try to get to bed soon. I hope to continue to blog a little more regularly from now on and tommorrow want to get to reading all the blogs that I have wanted to follow but was just unable to do so without a computer! So until next time...stay strong and positive and support those in need of some extra reassurance like yours trully!

New Years Eve!

2008-12-29T04:08:00.001-08:00

Hi all! I'm just checking in to say I hope you have all had a lovely Christmas and have wonderful plans for New Years Eve! I am in a limited position with what I can do as my back just doesn't last a whole night out anymore! It has seemed to disappoint some friends but normally when I go out these days I just hop in a cab when I start to feel too sore and stick to places close to home. With cabs nearly non existent on New Years (I have heard of people waiting up to 3 hours for one! Standing for half an hour is bad enough for me presently!) I am really not sure if I can join in at all. On the flip side to this I have had such a crappy 2008 and am really wanting to change my whole life around, along with my attitude, that a last hoorah would certainly be a great thing if possible. So keep your fingers (and toes!) crossed for me that I can find a happy medium that I will be able to celebrate the night with great friends while attending to my own medical
needs which I know are so important! After all it really is just one night and when I achieve all my goals in 2009 I will be able to party with self confidence, pain free and hopefully with a wonderful new man by my side!!! One can dream huh? Did you notice that I said when instead of if?! I think we should all go into 2009 with a positive attitude that we WILL all realise our goals and dreams! On a completly different topic I have found out that my Internet connection will be up and running by the 6th of January! It took longer than they had first implied but i guess with Christmas and New Years there have been a lot of non working days in there! At last I will be able to look over all your lovely blogs at leisure without my phone crashing every two minutes and see them on something bigger than an 8cm screen! I am so excited but unfortunately so is my son so I think there will be a few arguments over computer time - especially in these school holidays!
So until next time...may we all think more positively and begin 2009 with the right attitude and a smile :)

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Self sabotage!

2008-12-27T20:36:00.001-08:00

I have heard alot about when others around you try to sabatage your efforts in realizing your goals but what if it's yourself?! Even though I have not begun undertaking any of my life changing, keeping New Years Day as the day I like to think of as a new chapter in my life, I am already noticing excuses creeping in about how now might not be the best time to start! Also I am smoking more than ever so it's going to make it that much harder to quit! Don't worry though I have every intention of going through these life changes. They are not just New Years resolutions to me but a new way of living my life to it's full potential! Although I'm in pain and my depression and lack of motivation often creep back into my days I no longer want to live this way! I want to be the positive person I once was full of joy and enthusiasm rather than someone I'm sure lots of people don't enjoy being around at the moment! And who can blame them?! That is all set to change though - 4 sleeps to go!

Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T04:57:00.001-08:00

Well here in Australia there is about 15 minutes of Christmas Day left so I thought I would post a quick entry wishing you all a Very Merry Christmas and A Safe and Happy New Year! My house is probably looking like many others around the world at the moment with children...strewn from end to end with new toys and wrapping paper! The joy on my sons face was what it's all about as he opened gifts from me, Santa, family and friends! It was also filled with quick to come tears as he had had so little sleep the night before and being a sensitive child he took to crying at the slightest thing. Putting him in bed tonight though (finally asleep at 11:20pm!) he looked so content. My back has been my burden today (and every day for that matter!) not being able to offer to help with dishes and the like is quite humbling but everyone is so supportive. It's a time that is so exhausting yet seeing family and friends makes it so rewarding! Until next time....may you all enjoy the little things!

Feeling Overwhelmed!

2008-12-21T22:20:00.001-08:00

It's amazing I think that some days can be pretty darn great and the next you can feel you are so overwhemed you don't know what to do, where to go, where to start! I have too many days like these and know I get overwhelmed more easily than I should. That saying "don't sweat the small stuff" should be one of my mantras! I so easily feel like I don't know where to even begin when my home is not looking its best but if I just pace myself, know that the world won't end if the dishes aren't done I trully believe I would lead a much happier existance! On the flip side when I do achieve my goals no matter how small, the feeling of satisfaction can last for days! I think we all need to take a bit more time out of our busy, hectic lifestyles to smell the roses as they say. Play with your children for a bit or read a good book for an hour before getting stuck into housework. I strongly believe we are better partners, parents and friends if we are kind to ourselves.

Computer Envy!

2008-12-18T03:33:00.001-08:00

Not sure if I'm again repeating myself but I am doing all this blogging from my iPhone! I have finally saved enough money and a computer is being built for me as we speak! So excited that I will get to properly read through all your lovely blogs and look into ones you recommend! That is why I haven't been able to comment on many of your extraordinary stories or jazz up my page but am really going to have fun with it when I do! I could have waited till i got a computer to start this blog but I'm so glad I didn't. I was in a pretty bad place on that first entry and it has really helped me to unload all my feelings and thoughts. Any comments I have got have been really appreciated and I love knowing that there are others out there going through similar struggles! Well goodnight to u all and until next time...enjoy your computers and think of me typing all these posts on a tiny phone keyboard!!!

The true meaning of Christmas!

2008-12-16T18:33:00.001-08:00

How easily we forget the true meaning of Christmas and how it all began. Hopefully we can all take a little time out to reflect on this :)

Christmas is really nearly here!

2008-12-16T18:31:00.001-08:00

Sorry it been awhile since my last post! Have been really busy with my topic of the day - Christmas! Today I have finally finished, finito, done! I'm about to go to mums (where I store all the prezzies from prying eyes!) to wrap and tag. It's especially hard with Brodie's birthday being only a couple of weeks after Christmas and every year I say I'll wait till the sales are on but I just can't be bothered with the whole fighting crowds and missing out on what I trully want to get. Would rather just be done with it all! It's also been a tough time with my back waiting in ques for extended periods of time and lifting boxes etc.. I really want to now just enjoy this time and lift my spirits to what Christmas is all about - family, childrens joyous faces lighting up, giving and of course the birth of Jesus! We so easily get wrapped up in the commercial side of things - and yes I again over spent, especially on Brodie! So until next time...try and remember what we are trully celebrating!

Brodie

2008-12-15T19:02:00.001-08:00

This is my gorgeous and cheeky son Brodie who will be 9 in January!

Finding a Man!

2008-12-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

I have beening thinking today (hence the second blog entry in one day!) about how often I say I am ready for a man to come into my life. I have been single for a LONG time and am definitley over any ex issues so why I cannot find one has been getting frustrating and lonely. I have been broken up with my sons father since he was one and since he is now nearly nine my son is even asking questions! He would like a brother or sister (I think at one stage he thought I could just pick one up at the shops!) and I would dearly love another child or two, I explained to him that it would be helpful if I had a man first! Now he regularly asks me when I do get to go out if I am going to find a man tonight and if he will be his new dad! A nice way to scare off any potential suitors right there! Anyway getting a bit off track (as usual!).... I realized that how can I expect a man to find me attractive if I don't find myself attractive? How can I expect a man to enjoy
my company if I often don't want to be left with my own thoughts?! This being a follow on from the previous blog is another reason why I really need to make 2009 a fresh new start for me! Losing weight is not just about health for me but really liking who I see in the mirror. Leaving behind all those days of trying on a million outfits before a night out and not liking a single one - it was never the clothes it was the body inside the clothes. Never having to go shopping and being in a change room close to tears at a size up from my usual size still being too small. I could go on and I on (this blog is not called Dana's Ramblings for nothing!) but I feel freer just getting it all out and hopefully I can get some sleep soon! So until next time....give your wonderful partners a hug if u have one and appreciate them that little bit more knowing there are some of us out there still looking for ours :)

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Feeling Lost In The Big Wide World!

2008-12-12T18:49:00.001-08:00

In the past few days I have been really trying to analyse my life. I guess it's quite common at this time of year. I want to feel all merry and warm and fuzzy but I just don't. Knowing that 2009 can really be a fresh start for me is a very positive thing as i really need one of those! I keep hearing people say things like "where has the year gone?" and "gee this year has flown by!" and I used to say similar things myself but this year in particular has really dragged. Full of pain and depression, hurt, frustration and self conciousness. I just want to start 2009 reinventing myself as a happy, healthy positive person who makes the most of each day...each minute even! I hope that we can all enjoy many successes in our weight loss goals as well as other personal aims that we wish to fufill. I also hate when I am down on life when I know I have so much to be grateful for! I have a beautiful son, a loving family, caring friends, a roof over our heads and food
on the table. Some don't have any of that and I pray they too have a better, more rewarding 2009. So until next time....let us all reflect on what we do have and what we hope to achieve next year with love in our hearts and smiles on our faces!

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Action Plans!

2008-12-08T03:30:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about how I can achieve my goals this time where I have failed so miserably in the past. First to the smoking. I have just finished reading Alan Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking and it has highlighted my two major mistakes in previous attempts to quit. I always thought I could still smoke when I drank which is a big no no. For three years I only smoked when I drank and I thought I could go back to that but NO!!! You need to vow to never, ever have another cigarette again. The other problem was i always had smokes at home as I hated waste so after a big night out I'd put the pack away and that led to temptation! So I have chosen New Years to begin as I have too many temptations until then but will be strong and positive that this time is IT! Weight loss on the other hand is going to be harder and a much slower process. I want to lose weight safely and slowly so it stays off! That's why I am reading all these weight loss blogs for
inspiration! Also knowing that there are others out there going through the same challenges will get me through the hardest hurdles. My back injury is unfortunately going to hold back my excercise routine a fair bit which will also slow down my overall weight loss but if I stick to it and be accountable for everything I eat and do I know I can do it! I really have wasted so many years being unhappy with my body that if I just knuckle down and make some sacrifices for awhile Ivan then get on with loving myself and my life!!! Any tips would be much appreciated. Until next time....try something new you might be suprised and enjoy it! Take care :)

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New Goals

2008-12-07T01:45:00.001-08:00

There have been many goals I have wanted to accomlish over the past few years that I just haven't succeeded in so I have decided to write them here and with 2009 approaching let them be a sort of New Years Resolution of sorts! Writing them down will also help them be more concrete to me and hopefully make myself more accepting of the fact that the only person who can do these things are me! Also the only person stopping myself is myself! I have used every excuse in the book (and probably a few new ones!) to sabotage my own successes and here is the place to take ownership of that. My two major goals for 2009 are weight loss and giving up smoking for good! There are lots of other little ones including saving, improving my self esteem etc... But I think if I focus on these two biggies the rest will hopefully be dealt with along the way! I have wasted so much time and energy talking about giving up smoking and losing weight that if I had actually invested
that energy into DOING it I probably wouldn't be needing to blog about the issues at all. Yes, my back injury and subsequent depression certainly haven't helped any but there is always going to be something isn't there?! Next time I check in I will discuss how I plan to tackle these issues with my action plan!!! Until next time.... Keep on keeping on :)

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Pain relief!

2008-12-04T16:15:00.001-08:00

Sorry it's been awhile but have been a bit down in the dumps and not overly enthused about writing. I do have some good news now to share though which is certainly a major change in my story. I have been seeing my doctor regularly and got to the point where I was nearly begging him to try a new form of pain medication. I had come to the conclusion that most of my problems including sleep, depression, motivation, stress etc. were all to do with my pain levels. I wanted something long lasting that I could take twice a day and would keep my pain to a low level which I could deal with. I feel I have been somewhat patient living with this for 9 months now and searching many other avenues first. Sorry if I am repeating myself at all from other entries but when u have pain it tends to be such a big focus in your life! He decided to trial me on something and give me the lowest dose possible to begin with just 5mg. When I was no better at all I researched the
medication on the Internet. It seems that this medication goes from 5mg all the way through to 80mg but doctors are very careful as there are potential side effects on higher doses and it is better to ease your body into the drug. By the time I went back to the doctor I was in agony - grumpy with pain and even getting a stress headache from dealing with it all. He said he would try the 20mg and I went home not overly expectant and just wanting to sleep. Two hours after taking my first dose I was like a new woman! My pain had nearly disappered and I had forgotten what that felt like! I started cleaning and organising absolutley renewed with energy! From the person that a few hours before could hardly deal with her son from all the pain she was in it was like being reborn! Today I am not quite so cheerful but have a very low level of pain which I can deal with quite well. I am still pacing myself around the house getting things done in 10 minute slots
then resting again but I really do feel hopefull that a new lease on life is beginning! Here's to all of us finding that happy place where we can tolerate our pain and live in the world rather than just existing which is what I felt like I was doing at times! Till next time....smile at someone it will give both of you a lift! :)

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A glimpse of sunshine!

2008-12-01T01:58:00.001-08:00

Today I can share a happier tale. I have had a breakthrough and saw a glimpse of sunshine today. I had an average run-of-the-mill day today and realized just how much I enjoyed this! No stresses, no arguments, no guilt! I was so calm and came to the conclusion that I am learning to let the little things go! That the dishes will still be there tomorrow and that reacting to something too quickly usually gets the wrong reaction. I need to calmly assess the situation and rationalize how important it is to deal with it then and there or if it can wait. Maybe it also helps that the festive season is upon us and I have decided to embrace it! I really enjoyed decorating the lounge with my son Christmas carols echoing around the house! So even though I am not getting my hopes up I really do hope I have more days like this where that sunshine pokes through....till next time....I hope the sun shines bright for you!

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This is how I feel most days!

2008-11-28T03:13:00.001-08:00

Sent from Dana's phone!

Highs and Lows

2008-11-28T03:11:00.001-08:00

Today I am reflecting on how much pain can effect all areas of your life if u let it! It effects my sleep - which keeps me grumpy during the day! It effects my motivation - because why would I want to do anything if it's going to hurt?! It effects my self esteem to no end - having to ask your 62 year old mother to help with the vaccuming is a really humbling experience to say the least. Then there's the weight gain and body image issues from not being able to excercise much at all (more about weight issues in another blog- I could ramble on about that alone for days!). The frustration of not being able to do so many things or pushing through the pain and being twice as bad the next day can get the best of us down! So now I am really trying to focus on what I CAN do rather than what I can't and letting it all out here is really helping! Even if not a single person reads these posts (i havent actually had the courage to tell anyone i have started this blog
yet!) I know I have got a lot of freedom just from writing them. Again thanks for reading my ramble....until next time take care :)

Now We're Getting Somewhere!

2008-11-26T23:58:00.001-08:00

Welcome back! Yes my phone was cooperative and sent my first blog so on with my story! I was about to admit just why I need a venting place and this is it! Back in March of this year I injured my back working in child care. I've always had what I've reffered to as a dodgy back and usually went to the chiro got it clicked back into place and that was that. This time.... Nothing! I went back to work hunched over but both days they sent me home seeing what pain I was in. From there I have been in and out of my doctors surgery, physios, hydrotherapy pools, surgeons offices even the odd hospital visit! I am currently in a pain management group but 9 months later and still really no better it's hard to keep your chin up. Not working and being a single parent to a very cheeky but gorgeous 8 year old boy has had it's toll on me and I was also diagnosed with depression. Trully I believe that I do not have a depressive personality but it was just the straw that
broke the camels back so to speak! There were days I had had so little sleep and hurt so much I just couldn't get out of bed. Those were the days (and I still have them sometimes) where I just don't recognize myself. It's just not me - I've always been a glass half full type of person but lately there seems nothing much is in my glass at all! Anyway I hope my ramblings on here will help me by letting all my frustrations spill out and also may help someone in a similar situation know there are others out there going through similar battles! So till next time...hoping you enjoy every moment like I am trying to :)

In the Begining!

2008-11-26T03:44:00.001-08:00

I am just starting with a short ramble as I am making sure this actually works (as my two previous ones haven't)! I am blogging from my mobile as I do not have a computer yet (I know u must be thinking she is one of three in Australia who don't!)
So u see that typing is a little more tedious and if this does not get to my blog....well I'll have even more of a reason to start this blog! I decided to start this as I really needed a place to rant and ramble and thought this was as good a place as any! Well u will have to wait to make sure this works to hear why I need to rant and ramble! Stay tuned....